Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Other Christmases

Symbolic of the way we live, Christmas has always been feast or famine at our house – too, too much of everything or absolutely nothing at all.  I remember one Christmas in particular when Matt and Katie became totally frustrated with the entire gift-giving process, because they had so many presents to unwrap.  Whenever we tried to take away one toy so they could open another, the two toddlers lay out in the floor and screamed, “I don’t want to open anymore, Mommy!”  We have the entire chaotic scene on video.  Of course, their older sister happily obliged, as she enjoyed opening their presents as much as she did her own.  I also remember a snow-covered Christmas in Memphis when our grown-up daughters showered us with gifts.  We unwrapped presents for hours in an upscale apartment that looked and smelled as if Martha Stewart designed the decorations and Paula Deen prepared the food.

But then, there were 'the other Christmases', as I have called them – those Christmases when money was short, gifts were few, or family was separated.  This holiday distinction is not necessarily a pitiful or resentful declaration, but more of a seasonal disappointment. No matter how we lived the eleven months leading up to December, we always longed for a grand Christmas with all the trimmings. So having experienced more than our share of the other Christmases, we just simply did what we do best – what the strongest, fittest survivors of our species do – find a way to adapt.  Not only did we adapt; sometimes we thrived.

I remember one year in 'the big house' when we decorated Christmas trees in five rooms and did not fill a single stocking.  My entire extended family had gone to the mountains together, but David had just started a new job and was not eligible for time off.  My son spent Christmas with his girlfriend’s relatives, and my oldest daughter spent the holiday with her boyfriend’s family; so David, Katie, and I slept late, ate a big breakfast, and went to the movies together. We shared the cinema with a dozen people for whom we gave stories about why they were watching movies on Christmas Day.  We ate popcorn, sugar babies, and hot tamales, and we ended up seeing back-to-back movies, none of which I can remember!

I will never forget the almost treeless Christmas.  That year, David decided to be Daniel Boone and take the kids into the woods to chop down a cedar tree with an ax. We owned a hundred acres of open pasture surrounded by deciduous hardwoods, long leaf pines, holly trees, and cedars; so for the kids, the tree-hunting excursion seemed like a wilderness adventure.  They actually found a tree that was a perfect height with a nice shape; however, the cedar was neither bushy nor full.   At the time, we had three house cats named Christopher Columbus, Balboa, and Ponce de Leon – three curious explorers whose purpose in life was to navigate every inch of our house, including the newly-discovered Christmas tree.  Every morning, I awoke to a toppled-over cedar, broken ornaments, and a bucket of spilled dirt which had been mistaken for kitty litter!  

After a few days, we decided to remove the scrawny tree altogether; we would decorate a Christmas quilt instead.  So I spread out a handmade green and red holiday quilt, outlined it with garland, positioned a few lights and ornaments, and placed our presents on top.  The kids, who were between the ages of six and twelve, hated that quilt.

On Christmas Eve, the kids and I made an eleventh-hour stop at the grocery store.  Leaning against the outdoor wall of the store was one remaining Christmas tree.  I told the kids to stay in the car while I bought a few basic ingredients.  When I walked inside, I asked the cashier if the tree had been sold.  He said no, and I bought it right on the spot.  I asked the bag boy to carry it to my car.  Aimee told me later that when Matt saw the tree, he said in the most pitiful voice, “I wish we had a Christmas tree.”  When he saw the bag boy pick up the tree, he shouted, “Look, somebody bought the last Christmas tree!”  Then, when he saw the young man headed to our car, he started screaming, “Mom bought the last Christmas tree!”  That Christmas Eve night, we decorated the last spruce pine on the lot, and the tree actually survived three climbing cats for the next three weeks!

The leanest one of the other Christmases that I remember (and we have had several) – happened the year that David closed his paper recycling business.  Most of his large cardboard accounts had purchased their own bailing equipment, so they could sell directly to the mills.  His computer paper accounts were becoming obsolete with each new advance in information technology.  The family-owned business that had provided a lucrative six-figure income for years was closing its doors.  David knew that he had to sell the equipment, trucks, and remaining paper inventory in order to break even.  Also, for the first time in his adult life, he had to look for a public job.  When Katie and Matt were born one year apart, I had left my position as a newspaper editor to be a stay-at-home mom. Until this turn of events, everyday life for our young family had been almost perfect.

After a sober reality-check, we faced the inevitable sale of our first family home and an impending move to a more affordable alternative.  Also, we would have to learn to live on about one-fourth of the income to which we had been accustomed.  The materialistic celebration of Christmas that we had come to expect was pretty much non-existent.  During all of our discussions (and I am almost embarrassed to say it now), the harshest reality for me was that my two daughters would not be getting their American Girl© doll collections.  Aimee was reading the American Girl© books, and Santa had promised each one of the girls a doll collection for Christmas. The girls had literally worn the catalog paper-thin as they dreamed of Christmas morning. Now, Santa couldn’t even afford one doll, much less an entire collection.

I told my mom about the situation.  Two or three days later she called me.  She said that she could not afford to buy the collections, but she had an idea that might work.  I purchased a large five-dollar trunk (of course, there had to be a trunk involved) and two dollar store dolls for ten dollars each.  The plastic dolls stood about two-feet tall, had movable limbs, and were actually quite beautiful.  Mom and I took the catalog and the dolls to my Aunt Mary Jane, who used fabric material scraps to sew complete clothing collections for both dolls – almost identical to the clothes in the catalogs (even two sets of pajamas).  Next, I bought barrettes and bows, combs and brushes, and any other accessories that could be used for the dolls.  I cut out pictures from the catalogs and decoupaged them onto the trunk.  Finally, we stuffed the trunk, placed the dolls back into their packages, and wrapped everything for Christmas morning.  Altogether, thanks to Aunt Mary Jane’s time, labor, and use of fabric, we had spent fifty dollars on the girls’ Christmas doll collections.  Both dolls had fancy Christmas dresses which they wore to dinner, when they joined us at the table for their first Christmas meal.  My girls played with those dolls and that trunk of clothes for years.

Over the next few months, we faced many changes as a young family; however, after that Christmas, I knew for sure that unexpectedly good things were going to happen to us along the way. This past year, my adult girls took a trip to New York City and visited the American Girls© Store.  All the excitement and wonder was just as palpable for them as it had been twenty years earlier.  They have even started making plans for a return trip with their one-day daughters.  Still, neither of them will ever forget the other Christmas when they learned what it meant to be real American girls.

I guess no one wants to roll out the red carpet for the other Christmases.  None of us want to 'celebrate' compromised or lowered expectations.  And yet, I am reminded of the other Christmas that we sometimes forget during this season of shopping and sales.  No matter where the long journey takes us or the disappointment we may experience with each closed door; in the end, we might find something positively perfect in the most unexpected place.

Dianne ; )

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