One of my all-time favorite children's books is A Bargain for Frances by Russell Hoban. I love all of the Frances books, but this one is a real teacher. The book jacket reads as follows: Frances is going to Thelma's house for a tea party. "Be careful," says Mother. "When you go to play with Thelma, you always get the worst of it."
Haha! Thelma! Don't we all have at least one Thelma in our lives! Thelma is the friend who is always talking us into buying something that we don't need, trying to sell us something that we don't want, or "encouraging" us to do something that we know is going to cost us in the end. A great review of this book is written by Barry King: We have all, at one time or another, had to deal with difficult and userous persons whose mendacity and opportunism have left us out-of-water, bewildered by the changing dynamics of what was ostensibly a mutually-beneficial social engagement, but has somehow turned into a one-way relationship.
WOW! Couldn't have said it better myself, Barry! And yet, the reader is fully aware that this not Frances' first rodeo with Thelma, based on her mother's precautionary tone. Where was my own mom last night when I needed her? She would have said, "Now, isn't this the friend who talked you into buying the incomplete, chipped set of Pfaltzgraff® china at her garage sale? Isn't this the friend who called to remind you of her work's charity bake sale that ended at lunch ~ the very same friend who, after you rushed to get there before the sale was over and bought one cake and two pies, had taken the day off? Do you think it's a good decision to accept her offering of a free Mary Kay® makeover?"
Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. I feel just like Frances, who settled for the ugly plastic tea set, while her friend, Thelma, used Frances' money to buy "a real china tea set, with pictures on it in blue." In the story, Frances is saving her money for a tea set that "has trees and birds and a Chinese house and a fence and a boat and people walking on a bridge." Oh...how I just love that sentence in the book! Thelma is quick to remind Frances "why that tea set is no good." She convinces Frances to buy her plastic tea set with pretty red flowers, then Thelma uses the money Frances saved to buy the real china tea set Frances wanted. Big sigh...
But, as Thelma warned Frances, there are "no backsies!" Once the deal is done, there is no undoing the dupable deed. No matter how long I lay in my bed, stared at the ceiling, and affirmed in the depths of my soul that I will never, ever do something like this again ~ most likely, if I am a true Frances, I will. Somehow, the short end of the friend stick always arrives at the party just before I do.
Why? Well...I won't spoil the end of the story, but I will tell you that, in spite of everything, good friends matter to some badgers more than money or makeup or coffee brewing systems or real china sets. Even when they leave us with bumps on our head and all wet, Frances sums up the situation perfectly with one question, "Do you want to be careful or do you want to be friends?"
Sometimes we simply prefer another round at the tea party rather than no tea party at all. The "no backsies" of losing a friendship is far more costly than the "no backsies" of buying something I really didn't want. So...
While I cleanse, tone and moisturize my face, a much wiser female (than Frances and I) is enjoying a real china tea cup accurately filled with one of the 200 exotic, fragrant varieties of Keurig® Single Cup gourmet coffee.
Backsies one, backsies two,
Backsies are no fun to do.
Careful once, careful twice,
Being careful isn't nice.
Being friends is better.
~~Excerpt from A Bargain For Frances
Dianne ; )
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