The idea of a hijacked life came to me three weeks ago, as I was recovering from a severe bout of viral pneumonia ~ a contagious flu-like condition that has been responsible for packed hospital emergency rooms, crowded physicians' waiting rooms, and my own empty dining room at Thanksgiving. On the home front, my two daughters and I had just said YES TO THE DRESS on one of the most wonderful Saturdays of my life ~ November 9th, 2013. We drove to The Bride and Groom in Columbus, which is literally one of the most beautiful towns in Mississippi in the fall. The town was celebrating Open House weekend, and the bright yellow leaves in the downtown area added a golden glow to the holiday festivities. We purchased the first dress that Katie tried on, even though she tried on a dozen more for good measure. We found out later that her dress choice was the same exact one she had sent to me as an image on my phone ~ months earlier. Afterwards, we ate at a local restaurant, and the food was fantastic. The day was perfect.
The following Monday was Veterans' Day, and my mom and I made a four-hour excursion to Biloxi to help my son buy a washer and dryer for his apartment. Once again, we walked immediately to the perfect combo, and within a fifteen minute window, the purchase was made. We enjoyed our visit and headed back home ~ smiles all around. The next Tuesday morning, I hit the ground reading at an area kindergarten and Preschool Story Time, which is always the repercussion of a Monday holiday. By Wednesday, I felt feverish and fatigued, but I had to pick up a tepee at another library for a program I had planned for the following week. Also, my branch manager was retiring at the end of November, and a small committee was meeting on Tuesday, November 19th, to begin plans for a reception in her honor to be held on December 12th. The entire library had to be decorated for Christmas before the Thanksgiving holidays, because the town's Christmas parade was the first Monday of December and Santa's visit to the library was the following Thursday. Not to mention, I had to prepare a potluck dish and a cookie exchange for the youth service Christmas meeting on the Friday after Santa's departure back to the North Pole. Throughout the entire process of all these events, I was dealing with a "skyjack virus" that was making my life miserable.
The following Monday was Veterans' Day, and my mom and I made a four-hour excursion to Biloxi to help my son buy a washer and dryer for his apartment. Once again, we walked immediately to the perfect combo, and within a fifteen minute window, the purchase was made. We enjoyed our visit and headed back home ~ smiles all around. The next Tuesday morning, I hit the ground reading at an area kindergarten and Preschool Story Time, which is always the repercussion of a Monday holiday. By Wednesday, I felt feverish and fatigued, but I had to pick up a tepee at another library for a program I had planned for the following week. Also, my branch manager was retiring at the end of November, and a small committee was meeting on Tuesday, November 19th, to begin plans for a reception in her honor to be held on December 12th. The entire library had to be decorated for Christmas before the Thanksgiving holidays, because the town's Christmas parade was the first Monday of December and Santa's visit to the library was the following Thursday. Not to mention, I had to prepare a potluck dish and a cookie exchange for the youth service Christmas meeting on the Friday after Santa's departure back to the North Pole. Throughout the entire process of all these events, I was dealing with a "skyjack virus" that was making my life miserable.
I hesitated to research hijacking, even though my use of the term is completely metaphoric. If Big Brother is really monitoring our individual searches, I might have just popped up on someone's radar. However, after reading several articles about hijacking, especially aircraft hijacking or skyjacking, I have learned some valuable life lessons. First of all, most acts of hijacking occur when demands are great and motives are extreme. With aircraft hijacking, the pilot is forced to fly according to the orders of the hijackers. In most cases, the hijackers don't even fly the plane! They just tell the pilot where to go, when to be there, and what to do when he gets there. Oh yes! I understand that implied comparison quite well!
Also, while the intent of the hijacker is rehearsed, well-defined, and premeditated, the response from the hostage is usually spur-of-the-moment, improvised, and impromptu. Basically, if the hostages want to survive, they have to wing it! Not to say that winging it doesn't require quick thinking, being present, and strategic problem-solving. Once again, a figurative description of my life since my last post.
Most importantly, in any hijacking scenario, outcomes vary greatly. The least favorable is the stand-off, which never ends well. I am especially aware of the bitter consequences of a stand-off. Demands are rigid, as both parties feel as though they are losing ground. Negotiators call this outcome losing control of the sky. What an incredible phrase. In any skyjacking situation, the most difficult task for negotiators is controlling the sky. With their feet on the ground, they not only have to manage the extreme conditions on the airplane, they have to control the entire sky...other air traffic, forced landings, and the finality of a fatal crash.
I remember one Christmas a few years ago when our family lost control of the sky. Everyone was moving over the holidays. The kids were moving back to their college apartment, after a semester of being home. I was moving to Biloxi the following weekend, and David was working day and night to keep everything and everyone moving. Money was tight, and no one could agree on how we should spend the holidays. Each member of our family was being held hostage by his or her own set of rigid demands, and no one wanted to give up one inch of personal territory. On the day that the kids left for college, we lost control of the sky. A bitter standoff occurred which resulted in a devastating family crash, just minutes before the kids were about to exit.
We learned a valuable lesson that day ~ as an entire family ~ which brings me to the two most favorable outcomes sought by negotiators: settlement and/or surrender. Isn't that just the truth in life? Settlement and/or Surrender? Just say I'm sorry and raise the white flag. Okay, I didn't get everything I wanted, but I will settle for what I got. When we refuse to negotiate a settlement or surrender, we simply prolong our own captivity. I have been both hijacker and hostage during times of personal crisis and conflict. I have forced the showdown and added to the strife. I have held people against their own will, against their own better judgement, against their own desired outcomes, simply to prove my own point. I, too, have also been at the mercy of those who, through aggressive behavior, intimidation, ulterior motives, etc., have threatened and diverted my own desired destinations.
The only other outcome ~ by far, the most uncertain and involves the most risk ~ is when the hostage makes a life-or-death decision to retake control of the situation. We just risk it all to save our own life. We step out of our comfort zone, and we become the hero or the martyr of the situation. Once again, I have been both. I have been Saint Dianne on many occasions. Everyone survived because I took control of a hopeless or hostile situation, and everyone praised my efforts. Or, the absolute opposite happened. I took charge of a critical situation and became my own martyr during the process.
The easiest advice: just don't put yourself in a hostage situation. But how can any one of us control the sky? My oldest daughter and I had one of the best discussions this past weekend as we were driving home from a holiday outing. We were talking about a particular time in her life when she had placed herself in a hostage situation. Her personal life had been hijacked, due in part to some poor choices that she had made. She looked at me and said, "Mom, we still have to trust the process. Destination is important, for sure; but so is the process...even if that process is difficult. In the end, trusting the process ~ no matter how captive we may seem at the time ~ is what brings us the ultimate freedom that we all seek."
Because of the busyness of the season, this post might be my last one before Christmas. Not everyone will be healthy this Christmas. Not everyone will have money to spend on gifts. Not everyone will be with someone they love. We cannot always control the sky; however, we can learn from the wisdom of those wise men of the east. When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.
If you can't control the sky, then simply follow the star.
Dianne ; )
Also, while the intent of the hijacker is rehearsed, well-defined, and premeditated, the response from the hostage is usually spur-of-the-moment, improvised, and impromptu. Basically, if the hostages want to survive, they have to wing it! Not to say that winging it doesn't require quick thinking, being present, and strategic problem-solving. Once again, a figurative description of my life since my last post.
Most importantly, in any hijacking scenario, outcomes vary greatly. The least favorable is the stand-off, which never ends well. I am especially aware of the bitter consequences of a stand-off. Demands are rigid, as both parties feel as though they are losing ground. Negotiators call this outcome losing control of the sky. What an incredible phrase. In any skyjacking situation, the most difficult task for negotiators is controlling the sky. With their feet on the ground, they not only have to manage the extreme conditions on the airplane, they have to control the entire sky...other air traffic, forced landings, and the finality of a fatal crash.
I remember one Christmas a few years ago when our family lost control of the sky. Everyone was moving over the holidays. The kids were moving back to their college apartment, after a semester of being home. I was moving to Biloxi the following weekend, and David was working day and night to keep everything and everyone moving. Money was tight, and no one could agree on how we should spend the holidays. Each member of our family was being held hostage by his or her own set of rigid demands, and no one wanted to give up one inch of personal territory. On the day that the kids left for college, we lost control of the sky. A bitter standoff occurred which resulted in a devastating family crash, just minutes before the kids were about to exit.
We learned a valuable lesson that day ~ as an entire family ~ which brings me to the two most favorable outcomes sought by negotiators: settlement and/or surrender. Isn't that just the truth in life? Settlement and/or Surrender? Just say I'm sorry and raise the white flag. Okay, I didn't get everything I wanted, but I will settle for what I got. When we refuse to negotiate a settlement or surrender, we simply prolong our own captivity. I have been both hijacker and hostage during times of personal crisis and conflict. I have forced the showdown and added to the strife. I have held people against their own will, against their own better judgement, against their own desired outcomes, simply to prove my own point. I, too, have also been at the mercy of those who, through aggressive behavior, intimidation, ulterior motives, etc., have threatened and diverted my own desired destinations.
The only other outcome ~ by far, the most uncertain and involves the most risk ~ is when the hostage makes a life-or-death decision to retake control of the situation. We just risk it all to save our own life. We step out of our comfort zone, and we become the hero or the martyr of the situation. Once again, I have been both. I have been Saint Dianne on many occasions. Everyone survived because I took control of a hopeless or hostile situation, and everyone praised my efforts. Or, the absolute opposite happened. I took charge of a critical situation and became my own martyr during the process.
The easiest advice: just don't put yourself in a hostage situation. But how can any one of us control the sky? My oldest daughter and I had one of the best discussions this past weekend as we were driving home from a holiday outing. We were talking about a particular time in her life when she had placed herself in a hostage situation. Her personal life had been hijacked, due in part to some poor choices that she had made. She looked at me and said, "Mom, we still have to trust the process. Destination is important, for sure; but so is the process...even if that process is difficult. In the end, trusting the process ~ no matter how captive we may seem at the time ~ is what brings us the ultimate freedom that we all seek."
Because of the busyness of the season, this post might be my last one before Christmas. Not everyone will be healthy this Christmas. Not everyone will have money to spend on gifts. Not everyone will be with someone they love. We cannot always control the sky; however, we can learn from the wisdom of those wise men of the east. When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.
If you can't control the sky, then simply follow the star.
Dianne ; )
