What a wonderful day! My Tomorrow Trunk is full and overflowing!
Dianne ; )
Sunday, March 2, 2014
A Shower of Blessings
Yesterday was the first wedding shower, and it was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! My heart is just so full of gratitude to the wonderful women who helped groom my family's favorite groom! Thank you so much to Ginger, Shea, Brooklyn, their friends and assistants, and the staff at the River Hills Club in Jackson, MS! The food was fantastic, the gifts were so thoughtful, and Katie's cup was running over with gratefulness! Such an awesome day! Here is just a sample of the best of the day!
Friday was girls' day out ~ all-day shopping at Anthropologie, J Crew, and every other clothing store at our favorite malls before deciding on the perfect Lilly Pulitzer dress for Aimee!
Saturday was Shower Day ~ dressing up with the girls and posing for pictures!
Yeah, presents...
and food...
and friends!
All the ladies from Katie's work...
and the bridesmaids...
and the wonderful hostesses!
Last, but certainly not least, the bride and groom!
What a wonderful day! My Tomorrow Trunk is full and overflowing!
Dianne ; )
What a wonderful day! My Tomorrow Trunk is full and overflowing!
Dianne ; )
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
A Good Dusting
Big Sigh...more than a month has passed since my last post. Either I can't seem to stop hustling and bustling long enough to write or my lifelong literary legacy of self-sabotage has just raised its ugly head! Whatever the case, the Tomorrow Trunk needs a good dusting, so here I am.
January 26th, 2014 marked the official three-month countdown to the wedding of the year ~ at least for this family. We have made decisions about favors, food and flowers. We have mailed the save-the-dates and set the dates for alterations, brunches and showers. We have guarded our top secret Pinterest boards and emailed contracts back and forth as though a major corporation were in the process of a classified merger, rather than a man and a woman getting married. Over a period of six months, the father of the bride has gone from "the cotton-pickin' wedding" to "the confounded wedding" ~ which, to be fair, is due in part to hour-long telephone conversations during Saturday morning breakfasts and Sunday afternoon naps. Although he came very close when we hired the photographer ~ which he described as a loan shark ~ he hasn't uttered a single curse word or been arrested (as of this posting on February 12th). He even told someone who called his phone because I didn't answer mine, that I was busy and would call back later. His exact words: "I think she and Katie are pinning ideas for the wedding." Priceless! He doesn't even know what "pinning" is! Haha!
Despite daily deposits, the Tomorrow Trunk has gotten a little dusty during this period. Whenever I write a post, it's like company's coming ~ a time to tidy up, tuck away and take out something special. My system of saving stories is similar to the way my grandmother stored her linens. Whenever an out-of-town relative was spending the night, she would say, "Get out those embroidered pillowcases." Or if it was her time to feed the preachers, she instructed us to "pull out that lace tablecloth, iron it, and place it on the table in the dining room ~ not the kitchen table." I don't know if anyone ever rated high enough for her collection of handmade doilies, which was such a missed opportunity to share her delicate artistry.
So...I dust of the top of the trunk and lift the lid. Four items of interest immediately capture my attention ~ all are quotes that belong to other people. One quote was spoken to me by my new branch manager, Mr. Matt Purvis. The second quote came from Ms. Peggy Kelly during her workshop at our system's annual Staff Development Day. The third quote came to me from Brody, a four-year-old library patron who might just be the future super hero of libraries everywhere. The fourth and final quote came from a discussion between sweet little Sophia and her insightful older brother Levi. Both children attend library story time with baby sister, Lillian, and baby yet-to-be-determined.
Passion is not the same thing as ambition. Matt Purvis, Branch Manager
The first quote came from a discussion that Matt and I were having about my perceived collapse of ambition. I told him that I just wasn't concerned about climbing the ladder anymore or being the brightest star of the nine-to-five galaxy. I convincingly pointed out that my kids are successful, my husband and I are happy, and I am ready to fade into the background. I prevailed upon him to appreciate my argument for ambiguity and to agree with my case for aloofness...which he most certainly did not. Quite the opposite!
Passion is not the same thing as ambition, Ms. Dianne. I don't think you have to have ambition to have passion. The motives are not the same. To me, ambition is more of a focus on me and what I want to achieve. Passion is more of a focus on others and what I have to give. At various times in our lives, both are important; however, I don't believe that you have to be ambitious to live passionately.
WOW! What a good dusting from someone who is twenty years my junior! One of my most treasured finds is a book entitled The Cinderella Complex written by Collette Dowling in 1981. The book addresses all the issues that women face as they fully embrace the "happily ever after" idealism of a saving prince and a protected life within the walls of a castle. This safe retreat is often an alternative accepted by women "to avoid the strain involved in undertaking an authentic existence", according to French author Simone de Beauvoir, who wrote The Second Sex.
Passion is anything but passive, even though it may be perceived that way by others. Passion is an active undertaking that is often defined by both strain and authenticity. According to Dowling, women in all stages of life seek the flight from stress, but in doing so they also take a flight from self. They trade in their brilliance and creativity for mediocrity and complacency. Eventually, this lack of passion costs women their raison d'etre ~ reason for existence. Dowling writes, "I call this "The Cinderella Complex" ~ a network of largely repressed attitudes and fears that keep women in a kind of half-light, retreating from the full use of their minds and creativity."
The wicked step-sisters were ambitious ~ to be sure ~ but Cinderella was courageously vulnerable. Even at those times when we experience collapse or conflict, we must remember what was and is "royal" about our existence. Therein lies our truest definition of passion.
More good dusting happened during a workshop at last Friday's Staff Development Day. Ms. Peggy Kelly presented an eye-opening session entitled "Walk a Mile In My Shoes", in which she addressed library service issues involving children and adults with mental disabilities. She began her presentation with this quote:
Everyone has a difficulty; when it impacts your life, it becomes a disability.
Using a photo of her family, she stated that each of the five people had a difficulty; however, not one of them had allowed his/her difficulty to become a disability. "We may be quick to identify someone as 'those people' or 'that person' with evident mental or physical challenges; however, we are sometimes hesitant to identify similar difficulties within our own lives. In many circumstances, our rituals and habits have a profound impact on our daily lives and result in severe disabilities because of our tendency to look the other way."
Anyone dread deep dusting as much as I do? I see a person rapidly fanning or flapping their hands when presented with a challenging situation, and I immediately acknowledge a mental disability; however, I am presented with a challenging situation, and I eat a box of cereal. If I don't lose twenty pounds, I won't be able to fit into my mother-of-the-bride dress. If I don't stop eating so much sugar, I could become diabetic. If I don't exercise more, I might become at-risk for heart disease. But, hey...just a few minor difficulties, not a major disability. Right? I could dust here for days; maybe I need my own pair of white gloves.
A good dusting continues with another item in the trunk. My favorite library patron in this world is a four-year-old boy named Brody ~ my super hero of the local children's library! When Brody visits the library, he is on a mission ~ today, wrestling books; tomorrow, Mo Willems' books (every single one in the system); next week, penguins and polar bears. Children's librarians beware! Don't even think for minute that you can brush off a request from this little library champion. If you say the books will be here next week, he WILL remember (even if you forgot). One day, he and his grandma were reading The Three Little Pigs at the children's table. His grandmother read, "The first little pig decided to build his house of straw...." Brody pops the side of his head with his palm and interrupts with this quote:
Now that little pig oughta know that's never gonna work. What was he thinking?
I just laughed out loud. A four-year-old knows a hare-brained (or in this case, pig-brained) idea when he hears one. If only we grown-ups could so easily recognize a crazy idea! But, hey...he was the first pig out of the gate. Maybe the second pig upgraded the wacky idea of straw to only slightly silly with his choice of sticks. The third pig, however, learned the lessons of his family foibles and headed straight for the bricks! I so want to be the third pig before I die! By now, I oughta know what is never gonna work! Sometimes I just have to wonder out loud, "What was I thinking?" I can always expect some degree of clean-up afterwards ~ that's for sure! I have been very fortunate to have missed the teeth of the wolf more than once!
And now, for the all important finale, the piece de resistance, the Liquid Gold Furniture Polish! This quote came to me via a conversation posted on Facebook. The conversation is between two of of the most delightful children ever, and I just had to re-post it on my blog:
Sophia: "Is it valentine's day? Is it heart day? Is it God day?"
Levi: Sheesh, girl! You don't know much about life. You wake up everyday, and it's a day! A day! A day! A day!"
NO WORDS. It's a day! A day! A day! A day! The Tomorrow Trunk is all about a day ~ one single, solitary day! We just take the best of today ~ this one day ~ tuck it away and keep it for tomorrow! I never want to miss Valentine's day or heart day or God day! I don't know much about life, but I do know you wake up everyday, and it's a day! A day!
Sheesh, girl! Dust yourself off! It's a day!
A day!
Dianne ; )
January 26th, 2014 marked the official three-month countdown to the wedding of the year ~ at least for this family. We have made decisions about favors, food and flowers. We have mailed the save-the-dates and set the dates for alterations, brunches and showers. We have guarded our top secret Pinterest boards and emailed contracts back and forth as though a major corporation were in the process of a classified merger, rather than a man and a woman getting married. Over a period of six months, the father of the bride has gone from "the cotton-pickin' wedding" to "the confounded wedding" ~ which, to be fair, is due in part to hour-long telephone conversations during Saturday morning breakfasts and Sunday afternoon naps. Although he came very close when we hired the photographer ~ which he described as a loan shark ~ he hasn't uttered a single curse word or been arrested (as of this posting on February 12th). He even told someone who called his phone because I didn't answer mine, that I was busy and would call back later. His exact words: "I think she and Katie are pinning ideas for the wedding." Priceless! He doesn't even know what "pinning" is! Haha!
Despite daily deposits, the Tomorrow Trunk has gotten a little dusty during this period. Whenever I write a post, it's like company's coming ~ a time to tidy up, tuck away and take out something special. My system of saving stories is similar to the way my grandmother stored her linens. Whenever an out-of-town relative was spending the night, she would say, "Get out those embroidered pillowcases." Or if it was her time to feed the preachers, she instructed us to "pull out that lace tablecloth, iron it, and place it on the table in the dining room ~ not the kitchen table." I don't know if anyone ever rated high enough for her collection of handmade doilies, which was such a missed opportunity to share her delicate artistry.
So...I dust of the top of the trunk and lift the lid. Four items of interest immediately capture my attention ~ all are quotes that belong to other people. One quote was spoken to me by my new branch manager, Mr. Matt Purvis. The second quote came from Ms. Peggy Kelly during her workshop at our system's annual Staff Development Day. The third quote came to me from Brody, a four-year-old library patron who might just be the future super hero of libraries everywhere. The fourth and final quote came from a discussion between sweet little Sophia and her insightful older brother Levi. Both children attend library story time with baby sister, Lillian, and baby yet-to-be-determined.
Passion is not the same thing as ambition. Matt Purvis, Branch Manager
The first quote came from a discussion that Matt and I were having about my perceived collapse of ambition. I told him that I just wasn't concerned about climbing the ladder anymore or being the brightest star of the nine-to-five galaxy. I convincingly pointed out that my kids are successful, my husband and I are happy, and I am ready to fade into the background. I prevailed upon him to appreciate my argument for ambiguity and to agree with my case for aloofness...which he most certainly did not. Quite the opposite!
Passion is not the same thing as ambition, Ms. Dianne. I don't think you have to have ambition to have passion. The motives are not the same. To me, ambition is more of a focus on me and what I want to achieve. Passion is more of a focus on others and what I have to give. At various times in our lives, both are important; however, I don't believe that you have to be ambitious to live passionately.
WOW! What a good dusting from someone who is twenty years my junior! One of my most treasured finds is a book entitled The Cinderella Complex written by Collette Dowling in 1981. The book addresses all the issues that women face as they fully embrace the "happily ever after" idealism of a saving prince and a protected life within the walls of a castle. This safe retreat is often an alternative accepted by women "to avoid the strain involved in undertaking an authentic existence", according to French author Simone de Beauvoir, who wrote The Second Sex.
Passion is anything but passive, even though it may be perceived that way by others. Passion is an active undertaking that is often defined by both strain and authenticity. According to Dowling, women in all stages of life seek the flight from stress, but in doing so they also take a flight from self. They trade in their brilliance and creativity for mediocrity and complacency. Eventually, this lack of passion costs women their raison d'etre ~ reason for existence. Dowling writes, "I call this "The Cinderella Complex" ~ a network of largely repressed attitudes and fears that keep women in a kind of half-light, retreating from the full use of their minds and creativity."
The wicked step-sisters were ambitious ~ to be sure ~ but Cinderella was courageously vulnerable. Even at those times when we experience collapse or conflict, we must remember what was and is "royal" about our existence. Therein lies our truest definition of passion.
More good dusting happened during a workshop at last Friday's Staff Development Day. Ms. Peggy Kelly presented an eye-opening session entitled "Walk a Mile In My Shoes", in which she addressed library service issues involving children and adults with mental disabilities. She began her presentation with this quote:
Everyone has a difficulty; when it impacts your life, it becomes a disability.
Using a photo of her family, she stated that each of the five people had a difficulty; however, not one of them had allowed his/her difficulty to become a disability. "We may be quick to identify someone as 'those people' or 'that person' with evident mental or physical challenges; however, we are sometimes hesitant to identify similar difficulties within our own lives. In many circumstances, our rituals and habits have a profound impact on our daily lives and result in severe disabilities because of our tendency to look the other way."
Anyone dread deep dusting as much as I do? I see a person rapidly fanning or flapping their hands when presented with a challenging situation, and I immediately acknowledge a mental disability; however, I am presented with a challenging situation, and I eat a box of cereal. If I don't lose twenty pounds, I won't be able to fit into my mother-of-the-bride dress. If I don't stop eating so much sugar, I could become diabetic. If I don't exercise more, I might become at-risk for heart disease. But, hey...just a few minor difficulties, not a major disability. Right? I could dust here for days; maybe I need my own pair of white gloves.
A good dusting continues with another item in the trunk. My favorite library patron in this world is a four-year-old boy named Brody ~ my super hero of the local children's library! When Brody visits the library, he is on a mission ~ today, wrestling books; tomorrow, Mo Willems' books (every single one in the system); next week, penguins and polar bears. Children's librarians beware! Don't even think for minute that you can brush off a request from this little library champion. If you say the books will be here next week, he WILL remember (even if you forgot). One day, he and his grandma were reading The Three Little Pigs at the children's table. His grandmother read, "The first little pig decided to build his house of straw...." Brody pops the side of his head with his palm and interrupts with this quote:
Now that little pig oughta know that's never gonna work. What was he thinking?
I just laughed out loud. A four-year-old knows a hare-brained (or in this case, pig-brained) idea when he hears one. If only we grown-ups could so easily recognize a crazy idea! But, hey...he was the first pig out of the gate. Maybe the second pig upgraded the wacky idea of straw to only slightly silly with his choice of sticks. The third pig, however, learned the lessons of his family foibles and headed straight for the bricks! I so want to be the third pig before I die! By now, I oughta know what is never gonna work! Sometimes I just have to wonder out loud, "What was I thinking?" I can always expect some degree of clean-up afterwards ~ that's for sure! I have been very fortunate to have missed the teeth of the wolf more than once!
And now, for the all important finale, the piece de resistance, the Liquid Gold Furniture Polish! This quote came to me via a conversation posted on Facebook. The conversation is between two of of the most delightful children ever, and I just had to re-post it on my blog:
Sophia: "Is it valentine's day? Is it heart day? Is it God day?"
Levi: Sheesh, girl! You don't know much about life. You wake up everyday, and it's a day! A day! A day! A day!"
NO WORDS. It's a day! A day! A day! A day! The Tomorrow Trunk is all about a day ~ one single, solitary day! We just take the best of today ~ this one day ~ tuck it away and keep it for tomorrow! I never want to miss Valentine's day or heart day or God day! I don't know much about life, but I do know you wake up everyday, and it's a day! A day!
Sheesh, girl! Dust yourself off! It's a day!
A day!
Dianne ; )
Friday, December 20, 2013
Control the Sky
Have you ever felt as though your life has been hijacked? For the past month, my life has been in constant motion; however, at some point, I was forced to pull over on the side of the road and relinquish all control of my vehicle. The Tomorrow Trunk was seized and locked away. Whatever travel plans I had made for my own purposes were now, either by force, by choice, or by chance, headed in alternate direction beyond my control. Looking back, I am not quite sure when the metaphoric hijacking took place. I just know that my own predictable flight plan had somehow been commandeered by external forces and excessive circumstances. I might as well have been a back seat observer with tied hands and a duck-taped mouth.
The idea of a hijacked life came to me three weeks ago, as I was recovering from a severe bout of viral pneumonia ~ a contagious flu-like condition that has been responsible for packed hospital emergency rooms, crowded physicians' waiting rooms, and my own empty dining room at Thanksgiving. On the home front, my two daughters and I had just said YES TO THE DRESS on one of the most wonderful Saturdays of my life ~ November 9th, 2013. We drove to The Bride and Groom in Columbus, which is literally one of the most beautiful towns in Mississippi in the fall. The town was celebrating Open House weekend, and the bright yellow leaves in the downtown area added a golden glow to the holiday festivities. We purchased the first dress that Katie tried on, even though she tried on a dozen more for good measure. We found out later that her dress choice was the same exact one she had sent to me as an image on my phone ~ months earlier. Afterwards, we ate at a local restaurant, and the food was fantastic. The day was perfect.
The following Monday was Veterans' Day, and my mom and I made a four-hour excursion to Biloxi to help my son buy a washer and dryer for his apartment. Once again, we walked immediately to the perfect combo, and within a fifteen minute window, the purchase was made. We enjoyed our visit and headed back home ~ smiles all around. The next Tuesday morning, I hit the ground reading at an area kindergarten and Preschool Story Time, which is always the repercussion of a Monday holiday. By Wednesday, I felt feverish and fatigued, but I had to pick up a tepee at another library for a program I had planned for the following week. Also, my branch manager was retiring at the end of November, and a small committee was meeting on Tuesday, November 19th, to begin plans for a reception in her honor to be held on December 12th. The entire library had to be decorated for Christmas before the Thanksgiving holidays, because the town's Christmas parade was the first Monday of December and Santa's visit to the library was the following Thursday. Not to mention, I had to prepare a potluck dish and a cookie exchange for the youth service Christmas meeting on the Friday after Santa's departure back to the North Pole. Throughout the entire process of all these events, I was dealing with a "skyjack virus" that was making my life miserable.
The following Monday was Veterans' Day, and my mom and I made a four-hour excursion to Biloxi to help my son buy a washer and dryer for his apartment. Once again, we walked immediately to the perfect combo, and within a fifteen minute window, the purchase was made. We enjoyed our visit and headed back home ~ smiles all around. The next Tuesday morning, I hit the ground reading at an area kindergarten and Preschool Story Time, which is always the repercussion of a Monday holiday. By Wednesday, I felt feverish and fatigued, but I had to pick up a tepee at another library for a program I had planned for the following week. Also, my branch manager was retiring at the end of November, and a small committee was meeting on Tuesday, November 19th, to begin plans for a reception in her honor to be held on December 12th. The entire library had to be decorated for Christmas before the Thanksgiving holidays, because the town's Christmas parade was the first Monday of December and Santa's visit to the library was the following Thursday. Not to mention, I had to prepare a potluck dish and a cookie exchange for the youth service Christmas meeting on the Friday after Santa's departure back to the North Pole. Throughout the entire process of all these events, I was dealing with a "skyjack virus" that was making my life miserable.
I hesitated to research hijacking, even though my use of the term is completely metaphoric. If Big Brother is really monitoring our individual searches, I might have just popped up on someone's radar. However, after reading several articles about hijacking, especially aircraft hijacking or skyjacking, I have learned some valuable life lessons. First of all, most acts of hijacking occur when demands are great and motives are extreme. With aircraft hijacking, the pilot is forced to fly according to the orders of the hijackers. In most cases, the hijackers don't even fly the plane! They just tell the pilot where to go, when to be there, and what to do when he gets there. Oh yes! I understand that implied comparison quite well!
Also, while the intent of the hijacker is rehearsed, well-defined, and premeditated, the response from the hostage is usually spur-of-the-moment, improvised, and impromptu. Basically, if the hostages want to survive, they have to wing it! Not to say that winging it doesn't require quick thinking, being present, and strategic problem-solving. Once again, a figurative description of my life since my last post.
Most importantly, in any hijacking scenario, outcomes vary greatly. The least favorable is the stand-off, which never ends well. I am especially aware of the bitter consequences of a stand-off. Demands are rigid, as both parties feel as though they are losing ground. Negotiators call this outcome losing control of the sky. What an incredible phrase. In any skyjacking situation, the most difficult task for negotiators is controlling the sky. With their feet on the ground, they not only have to manage the extreme conditions on the airplane, they have to control the entire sky...other air traffic, forced landings, and the finality of a fatal crash.
I remember one Christmas a few years ago when our family lost control of the sky. Everyone was moving over the holidays. The kids were moving back to their college apartment, after a semester of being home. I was moving to Biloxi the following weekend, and David was working day and night to keep everything and everyone moving. Money was tight, and no one could agree on how we should spend the holidays. Each member of our family was being held hostage by his or her own set of rigid demands, and no one wanted to give up one inch of personal territory. On the day that the kids left for college, we lost control of the sky. A bitter standoff occurred which resulted in a devastating family crash, just minutes before the kids were about to exit.
We learned a valuable lesson that day ~ as an entire family ~ which brings me to the two most favorable outcomes sought by negotiators: settlement and/or surrender. Isn't that just the truth in life? Settlement and/or Surrender? Just say I'm sorry and raise the white flag. Okay, I didn't get everything I wanted, but I will settle for what I got. When we refuse to negotiate a settlement or surrender, we simply prolong our own captivity. I have been both hijacker and hostage during times of personal crisis and conflict. I have forced the showdown and added to the strife. I have held people against their own will, against their own better judgement, against their own desired outcomes, simply to prove my own point. I, too, have also been at the mercy of those who, through aggressive behavior, intimidation, ulterior motives, etc., have threatened and diverted my own desired destinations.
The only other outcome ~ by far, the most uncertain and involves the most risk ~ is when the hostage makes a life-or-death decision to retake control of the situation. We just risk it all to save our own life. We step out of our comfort zone, and we become the hero or the martyr of the situation. Once again, I have been both. I have been Saint Dianne on many occasions. Everyone survived because I took control of a hopeless or hostile situation, and everyone praised my efforts. Or, the absolute opposite happened. I took charge of a critical situation and became my own martyr during the process.
The easiest advice: just don't put yourself in a hostage situation. But how can any one of us control the sky? My oldest daughter and I had one of the best discussions this past weekend as we were driving home from a holiday outing. We were talking about a particular time in her life when she had placed herself in a hostage situation. Her personal life had been hijacked, due in part to some poor choices that she had made. She looked at me and said, "Mom, we still have to trust the process. Destination is important, for sure; but so is the process...even if that process is difficult. In the end, trusting the process ~ no matter how captive we may seem at the time ~ is what brings us the ultimate freedom that we all seek."
Because of the busyness of the season, this post might be my last one before Christmas. Not everyone will be healthy this Christmas. Not everyone will have money to spend on gifts. Not everyone will be with someone they love. We cannot always control the sky; however, we can learn from the wisdom of those wise men of the east. When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.
If you can't control the sky, then simply follow the star.
Dianne ; )
Also, while the intent of the hijacker is rehearsed, well-defined, and premeditated, the response from the hostage is usually spur-of-the-moment, improvised, and impromptu. Basically, if the hostages want to survive, they have to wing it! Not to say that winging it doesn't require quick thinking, being present, and strategic problem-solving. Once again, a figurative description of my life since my last post.
Most importantly, in any hijacking scenario, outcomes vary greatly. The least favorable is the stand-off, which never ends well. I am especially aware of the bitter consequences of a stand-off. Demands are rigid, as both parties feel as though they are losing ground. Negotiators call this outcome losing control of the sky. What an incredible phrase. In any skyjacking situation, the most difficult task for negotiators is controlling the sky. With their feet on the ground, they not only have to manage the extreme conditions on the airplane, they have to control the entire sky...other air traffic, forced landings, and the finality of a fatal crash.
I remember one Christmas a few years ago when our family lost control of the sky. Everyone was moving over the holidays. The kids were moving back to their college apartment, after a semester of being home. I was moving to Biloxi the following weekend, and David was working day and night to keep everything and everyone moving. Money was tight, and no one could agree on how we should spend the holidays. Each member of our family was being held hostage by his or her own set of rigid demands, and no one wanted to give up one inch of personal territory. On the day that the kids left for college, we lost control of the sky. A bitter standoff occurred which resulted in a devastating family crash, just minutes before the kids were about to exit.
We learned a valuable lesson that day ~ as an entire family ~ which brings me to the two most favorable outcomes sought by negotiators: settlement and/or surrender. Isn't that just the truth in life? Settlement and/or Surrender? Just say I'm sorry and raise the white flag. Okay, I didn't get everything I wanted, but I will settle for what I got. When we refuse to negotiate a settlement or surrender, we simply prolong our own captivity. I have been both hijacker and hostage during times of personal crisis and conflict. I have forced the showdown and added to the strife. I have held people against their own will, against their own better judgement, against their own desired outcomes, simply to prove my own point. I, too, have also been at the mercy of those who, through aggressive behavior, intimidation, ulterior motives, etc., have threatened and diverted my own desired destinations.
The only other outcome ~ by far, the most uncertain and involves the most risk ~ is when the hostage makes a life-or-death decision to retake control of the situation. We just risk it all to save our own life. We step out of our comfort zone, and we become the hero or the martyr of the situation. Once again, I have been both. I have been Saint Dianne on many occasions. Everyone survived because I took control of a hopeless or hostile situation, and everyone praised my efforts. Or, the absolute opposite happened. I took charge of a critical situation and became my own martyr during the process.
The easiest advice: just don't put yourself in a hostage situation. But how can any one of us control the sky? My oldest daughter and I had one of the best discussions this past weekend as we were driving home from a holiday outing. We were talking about a particular time in her life when she had placed herself in a hostage situation. Her personal life had been hijacked, due in part to some poor choices that she had made. She looked at me and said, "Mom, we still have to trust the process. Destination is important, for sure; but so is the process...even if that process is difficult. In the end, trusting the process ~ no matter how captive we may seem at the time ~ is what brings us the ultimate freedom that we all seek."
Because of the busyness of the season, this post might be my last one before Christmas. Not everyone will be healthy this Christmas. Not everyone will have money to spend on gifts. Not everyone will be with someone they love. We cannot always control the sky; however, we can learn from the wisdom of those wise men of the east. When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.
If you can't control the sky, then simply follow the star.
Dianne ; )
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