No Replacement For TODAY

March 19, 2014 ~ the date of my last post...

This morning, I was granted a two-hour window to write.  Surprisingly, I have not written one single, solitary word in two months ~ 65 days, to be exact.  Sixty-five days without writing ~ a self-imposed fast of my daily bread. I truly believe that writers write because writing is intrinsic to their genetic make-up. I am convinced that writers are born to write, and that writing is not only a livelihood, but a nourishment to the soul. Like an emergency blood transfusion, I have received necessary life support from a sharpened pencil and a blank sheet of paper. Certainly a person can improve their writing skills, but practice does not always produce a writer.  An overall command of the English language might suggest proficiency; however, mastery does not always qualify someone as a writer.  I may never be a success, but I will always be a writer.

During the past 65 days, the immediate members of my family have experienced a wedding, a honeymoon, a rehearsal dinner, a bachelorette party, an anniversary, Easter, two birthdays, Mother's Day, and more expense than anyone could imagine. Throughout this entire time, I kept thinking, Oh, I need to write this down or more truthfully, Oh! I need to WRITE!  It never happened.  As the events and engagements piled up, so did the obligations of time and money. At some point, my life became one gigantic IOU ~ to everyone and everything.  And yet, the more full the cups, the more empty the pitcher.

Blame it all on that flighty little thing called TODAY ~ that wayward 24-hour period that comes and goes without remorse. TODAY is that impulsive and capricious phenomenon that gives and takes without regard. TODAY is a temperamental commodity that is up and down, with its own built-in mercurial gauge that records gains and losses at every orbital turn.  TODAY is whimsical, quirky, volatile, unpredictable, unstable, and contrary.  TODAY is the total success and complete failure that appears with each sunrise and disappears with each sunset.

On April 26, 2014, my daughter married her one true love ~ Amas Veritas. For ten months, we devoted heart, soul, and pocketbook to the wedding day.  Despite every attempt on our part to create this epic day, only one transient foe threatened our best-laid plans. No trivial misunderstandings, no unexpected expenses, no last-minute developments ~ nothing deterred our long-awaited anticipation...with one exception. That ephemeral adversary called TODAY.  

Wedding day began at 4:00 a.m. for the bride and her siblings.  For me, wedding day began two hours later. When I arrived at the wedding venue, the skies were blue, the morning was cool, and a slight breeze was blowing.  I stood completely still in the midst of that beautiful setting, and I inhaled and exhaled a deep, sustained breath.  I whispered quietly, "TODAY, please be my friend. Please stay by my side, TODAY.  I know you are brief, short-lived, fast and furious, but slow down for a few minutes.  TODAY, let me hold your hours in my hands and experience each precious moment that you afford."

For a split-second, I thought TODAY had indulged my request. Instead, TODAY answered with a tap on the shoulder.  "The photographer is here, and we need to know where to set up and serve the brunch for the bridal party."  A donut bar, bacon and eggs, bagels with cream cheese, and mimosas needed a destination, and the photographer needed direction. Despite that unyielding pace, I truly experienced fleeting moments when I captured TODAY. Time stood still when my daughter said I do.  I completely lost track of time as I watched my son do the Wobble on the dance floor. I even took a break to try out a rocking chair. TODAY granted me evanescent intervals to smile at my handsome husband, laugh with my best friends, cry with my beloved daughters, and give thanks for a highly-favored groom.  But then, as is characteristic of its elusive nature, TODAY just slipped right through my fingers again. Wedding day lasted until twelve o'clock midnight, when TODAY said, without apology, "It's done. Pack up the remains. I am starting over right now." 

David and I did the same. We packed the leftover food, the floral bouquets, and the wedding gifts into the trunk.  I was making the final walk-through of the venue to make sure everything looked just as it had before the wedding day began.  My phone rang. Katie McLaurin Wynn said, " Mom, I want to tell you and Dad that TODAY was perfect. I didn't want it to end. Thank you so much for TODAY."

Even as I write my first post in 65-days, TODAY is still my greatest teacher. "I have given you a great revelation. Take the best of TODAY, tuck it way, and keep it for tomorrow.  I AM ~ TODAY. I understand that you want to be about your own business, but I will not be back this way again. TOMORROW makes no promises to anyone, so I am all you have. I have no imitation to offer, no replacement for TODAY."

I look back on the day of the wedding, and I wish I could change a few things.  The DJ upset Katie with his song choices, and we forgot to designate the wedding party table. My mom didn't have her picture taken with her granddaughter, and I forgot to give Katie a card or letter celebrating her special day.  However, TODAY cannot be relived or revisited...even when it becomes YESTERDAY. There is no going back. We can remember and reminisce, but we cannot redo. Despite our best efforts to explain, apologize, or resolve, TODAY accepts no excuses for the mistakes we make. TODAY only provides the opportunity to learn from those mistakes.

As David and I were finally driving home from the wedding, I turned to him and said, "I never tasted one piece of cake. No Italian cream wedding cake, no chocolate groom's cake, not even a Mississippi State red velvet cupcake."  He laughed and said that the top tier of the wedding cake had been saved for Brandon and Katie to freeze. Then he replied, "You can eat some next year on their anniversary."

I reluctantly agreed, "I guess so, but it won't taste as good as it did TODAY."

Dianne ; )